Many years ago in my early Christian walk, while still a single woman, the Lord gave me Isaiah 54. During those lonely years I clung to verse 5 - For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name. I knew that He knew my desire to marry. To have children and raise a family with a Godly husband but it sure did seem to be taking quite awhile. So then I reached the point that I surrendered my singleness to Him. I am always honest with the Lord. I told Him that it was not my desire to be single but that I would rather be single and happy than married and miserable. Don't get me wrong. I was not wallowing in self-pity or crying myself to sleep every night. I had my own sweet little apartment just a block off the ocean. I had a good job, steady paycheck and a nice little nest egg set aside. I went on cruises with my friends, went to parties and gatherings. I was not what you would call a social butterfly but I was happy with my life. I was leaving it up to the Lord to send the right man my way.
Then at 37 years of age the Lord gave me a burning desire to study healing, so I did. I read scripture, listened to tapes, read books and immersed myself in the study. Many weeks later I was diagnosed with intraductal carcinoma in situ. Breast cancer. Clearly the Lord had prepared me. My cancer was caught at the very early stages (due to regular mammograms since age 25, again, thank you Lord). I was prayed up and ready to do battle. I chose to have a lumpectomy rather than a double mastectomy, as 2 out of 3 of my doctors recommended. That recommendation was easily understandable as breast cancer is prevalent in my mother's side of the family. However, the biggest deciding factor in my heart regarding what surgery to have, was my faith and my desire to breast feed my children (that I still hoped to have). Some may think that the idea of having children at 37 is well ... not wise. I still wanted them. I had two surgeries, radiation for 6 weeks and began my tamoxifen regiment. That drug would be taken for 5 years. I hadn't known about that and pregnancy is not an option while taking that drug. So I figured children were not an option for me. Life goes on.
And still Isaiah said:
“Sing, O barren one, who did not bear;
break forth into singing and cry aloud,
you who have not been in labor!
For the children of the desolate one will be more
than the children of her who is married,” says the Lord.
2 “Enlarge the place of your tent,
and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out;
do not hold back; lengthen your cords
and strengthen your stakes.
3 For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left,
and your offspring will possess the nations
and will people the desolate cities.
O.K. Lord. I am and will be your servant. I know you gave me this verse. Is it time yet? Apparently not for another couple of years. 39th birthday arrives. Still happy and have a good life but... sigh. At a small group Bible study we were closing with prayer and one of the group leaders received a word for me. She looked at me and said "six weeks." Well let me tell you, when the Lord gives you a word, get ready!
Enter godly man (at church no less). We dated for 5 weeks, were engaged for 5 months and have been married now for 17 years. But what about the children I wanted? I married them too. I have a beautiful daughter and a handsome son. Both are believers. (Small sidebar. When hubby and I got married both children were the ages that my biological children would have been had I had children when I wanted to). The Lord is good all the time.
Now my children are busy with their lives and careers and finding their way and neither one is in the mission field. So what does all this have to do with Uganda and Isaiah 54? And how are my children to "spread to the nations" and "people the desolate cities?" The answer that came to me is so simple. It is something that I made sure my children understood - "There is no such thing as step love." They are my children. I love them. That is the same love that I will take to Uganda for the children that I will be blessed with there. That is the love that our Father has for us, His children. Those whom He has grafted into the vine by the blood of His dear Son. Thank you Father.
Until next time, Cindy.