Author Archives: Todd

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“If I’m not challenging myself to do something I’m terrified of I’m not really growing.” I heard myself say it, but it sounded alien coming from the mouth of a guy who has always resisted change and gets anxious around unknowns. Still, here I am on the brink of a new adventure because I believe it is where God is calling me next. The nurses who were asking about my upcoming assignment needed an explanation for my look of trepidation while I told them what should be good news: my application to the Emergency Department was accepted, and I start the end of February.

If I’m not challenging myself to do something I’m terrified of I’m not really growing.

Unfortunately, the voices near me at work seem to echo the doubts in my head: “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” “What makes you think you can handle the pace of the E.D?” and, “How will you manage school and a new endeavor like this?”

Jesus’ exclamation, “Get behind me, Satan,” (Matthew 16:23) has never made so much sense. It’s easy to be fearful given the lions’ den I’m preparing to enter. Still, I know that God has a way of making me ready just in the nick of time, and giving me only this day my daily bread.

I will tell you the behind the scenes story.

I was tired of my attempts to coordinate a shadow shift on the E.D. not working out, and I was getting advice from E.D. nurses not to wait until I thought I was ready because no one ever is. Furthermore, waiting until I was an experienced enough medical-surgical nurse was futile because nursing on a med-surg unit and in the E.D. are two vastly different things. I should just apply, I was told. I wasn’t convinced, so I put it to God.

I was praying that God would give me another clear sign, a Gideon’s fleece like He has so many times before. I prayed specifically about the decision of whether or not to apply for this terrifying position, even before I was technically eligible, having only worked in the med-surg unit for just under the required twelve months. There was no fatherly voice, speedy white car, or extra large bumper sticker this time, but there was a nagging echo in my ear like an annoying tune you can’t get rid of. At first it was like nonsense, but then I remembered what the syllables were and their significance: Urim and Thummim. It kept repeating in my head. Urim and Thummim. They were the sacred lots used by the ancient high priest to determine the will of God. Urim and Thummim. I didn’t have sacred lots, but I am a priest in the order of Melchizedek by the blood of Jesus Christ who loves me and gave His life for me. So I grabbed a coin, rebuked the mammon for which it was intended, blessed it, and called on the God of Heaven’s armies to be sovereign even over the laws of physics and the nature of chance to show me what to do. With prayer and a coin-toss, my Urim came up heads. An hour later, I pressed “submit” on my electronic application.

When we let Him, God will stretch us to our limits, then show us new limits and push us to those.

The interview several weeks later went… How shall I say? … medium to medium well. I did not sparkle, though I did smile with what, in retrospect, must have looked like a cocky grin. One of the team members in the two-nurse second interview even left in the process, saying I had asked the same question repeatedly and she had things to do. I was certainly not given a sense that I had the favor of man this day. After the interviews were over, I was left to wait in a small room that began to feel like a holding cell before I was retrieved for my tour of the E.D. and that’s when things got really terrifying. This place was crawling with people, all going different ways, all needing different things. I saw no organization to it, and am sure I was lost at several points in the tour. The manager was rattling off statistics about how this is the 13th busiest E.D. in the nation and how we boast some of the best response times for heart attack and stroke, and he made it clear I better never mess that up. When he finished the very brief tour, he said, “Well, what do you think?” I was dumbstruck. What I was really thinking was, “What have I got myself into?” and “Where’s the exit?” but what I said was, “It’s a lot!” He agreed and showed me out, saying something about there being other interviews and a recruiter would be in touch regarding their decision. On the way home, my prayers changed from, “Help this go well,” to, “Save me from this if I’m not supposed to be here!”

I didn’t mention the application to many people for obvious reasons. I didn’t want to get my hopes and fears up and didn’t want anyone else to either. I began rereading Rich Stearns’ books Unfinished and The Hole in Our Gospel, each of which had a significant role in spurring Cindy and me along in our decision to prepare for missions. I figure if I ever needed a booster shot of mission passion it was now. Sure enough, Rich laid out one scripture verse after another reminding me to “take up my cross and follow” Christ, and that we are promised many hardships along with our hundred-fold blessings when we give up our comforts. I was reminded that no one was promised an easy time. In fact quite the opposite. When we let Him, God will stretch us to our limits, then show us new limits and push us to those. We are constantly becoming new creatures, and metamorphosis hurts, but if we are to follow Christ’s example, we have to be willing to give up every comfort, every assurance, every known, and step onto the turbulent waters. Sink, swim, or tread upon the waves, God’s got each one of us by the hand.

Sink, swim, or tread upon the waves, God’s got each one of us by the hand.

That's what I had to remind myself on Monday, January 14th, when I dragged myself out of an all-day sleep to get ready for a night shift and found I had a message from the recruiter asking me to please call her at my earliest convenience. Note to self: next time you hear that, at least wake up fully first. I called her and listened to her offer me the job. She seemed excited to share such joyous news, but my heart was in my throat while I was still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. When she asked whether I wanted to accept, I guess I didn’t answer with the ready eagerness she had anticipated, because her vocal countenance dropped like a brick. “Would you like time to think about it?” she prompted. “No, I’m committed to this. I’ll be honest, it’s terrifying, but I’m committed, so let’s do this.”

What adventure God has for me, let it begin as He determines.

Now you know the rest of the story, and you have peered into the mind of a scared but willing servant. What adventure God has for me, let it begin as He determines. Prayer warriors, please cover me. I'm going into hostile territory, and I'm doing so in between online classes for my baccalaureate degree.

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It’s hard to be positive when looking back over a year as hard as 2018 has been for me. The trials are what stick out the most: a devastating change of position from the ICU to a very stressful medical-surgical telemetry unit, a hernia and its surgical repair, turning fifty and feeling its wear, a major back surgery with all its painful recovery, and a miniature mid-life crisis mixed in for good measure. I am happy to see this year end. Reframing those hardships helps to see what I have overcome. Although my surgical recovery is still in progress, I am back at work and more confident than ever. I feel more like a grown-up and ready to be responsible for my thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and their effect on those around me. What’s more, I am learning to accept my new normal: that, while I may not be able to do the things I expected to do, there are still things I can, and God will empower me to know what those things are and to do them. 

Do what you’re afraid of and courage will meet you there.

For this New Year, I pray what I pray for every day, for myself and anyone reading this: that God will give me and you the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out. Remember, we accomplish nothing by paralyzing ourselves in our fear. Do what you’re afraid of and courage will meet you there. I’m proof. I was terrified every step of the way: of going back to school, of taking every test, of applying for the Nursing Program and later for a job, of tackling that job once I got it. Still, God gave me just enough strength to meet each demand. Until here I am, slightly broken, and perpetually imperfect, ready to do the next thing, one day at a time. Happy New Year and happy new day, over and over again!

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Easter blew past the Lemmons this year. Since I was working several days in a row to make up for time I took off to recover from hernia repair surgery, we really didn’t get to experience Easter the way we like. Still, we got to worship together in church and serve together in the nursery for the second service, so it didn’t go completely unnoticed. While Easter is a special time of remembrance of the death and resurrection of the Messiah, ever since Cindy and I spent Easter 2014 in Uganda, we are reminded of the marching on of time. This year, we are more than half-way through our seven year wait. We are nearer to our planned move-out in July 2021 than to our initial visit to Uganda in April 2014. It’s time to get planning!

We have signed up and booked a trip for a Medical Missions gathering of the Christian Health Services Corps in Texas next month, and plan another trip for an orientation education experience with Mercy Ships in June. While CHSC operates hospitals in several locations, one as near to Uganda as D.R. Congo, Mercy Ships generally deploys the Africa Mercy to ports west. Either of these ministries, as well as several others, may give us the opportunity for experience in missionary nursing and service Cindy and I desperately need, as well as exposure to other ministries with which we might someday partner. Cindy has wanted to serve on a Mercy Ships cruise since long before she met me, and we both would benefit from the experience of living and serving on board for a year or so before we deploy to Uganda. These are all merely possibilities at this point, but it seems prudent to begin gathering information and making plans, since time is flying so quickly by.

When last I wrote, I was reeling from the ego punch of losing my position in the Intensive Care Unit. Since then, I have made great strides toward learning how to manage six less-intense patients on a medical-surgical-telemetry unit, many of whom can walk, talk, and ask for coffee. This is a stark contrast to the two patients I would have in the ICU, who were often intubated, sedated or comatose, and struggling for life. It is a different kind of stress — that of being behind rather than terrified. Working on the night shift at least makes the pace something I can generally catch up with by daybreak. Overall, I’m glad for the change and do not plan to reapply to the ICU. Instead, I think the Emergency Department or perioperative care would give me better experience related to missionary nursing, the E.D. for clinics, village nursing care, or disaster response, and the O.R. for surgical support. Such decisions are pushed back by the hospital policy which requires I work in a unit for one year before making any other moves. I will content myself to spending this time learning to be a nurse, and then start over learning to be an Emergency Department or Operating Room nurse.

Additionally, my back trouble represents a physical obstacle in my development plan. It appears back surgery is necessary, but recovery times necessitate that I push surgery past July, so I have enough employment history to qualify for leave under the FMLA. My neurologist is confident a spinal fusion will remedy my problems if I don’t put it off too long or do anything too reckless in the meantime. So, I’m being careful and trying not to be a superhero at work.

every day is an opportunity to serve God, and everyone we meet is a mission field

It is easy to get lazy in “when I, then I’ll…” thinking, which takes the pressure off serving today deferring it to a hazy future moment, but every day is an opportunity to serve God, and everyone we meet is a mission field. Every single soul needs encouragement, and most remain in need of a Savior. Today, I’m asking God for the opportunity to reflect the glory of His grace onto those around me so that His love and light are felt, and so He is better known. Won’t you join me in this petition?